The League/Volume 1: Chapter 5
Pigpen Pizza and Call of Duty: Racist Zombies midnight release tonight. Cam told us that we all had to be on our guard, but I had to go get CoD. HELL. YEAH. I had brought my teleporter pod and equipped it to my belt just in case, but I knew tonight would be the BEST night since Black Ops III was released. HELL YEAH. It was a cold night tonight, and I had to wear my Batman coat with the ears. “I’m Pigman!” I laughed to myself, since no one else did. I tried climbing the buildings but my hands hurt so I just walked to Gamestop: POWER TO ME. When I got there, the line was really long. HELL no. This sucks! I rubbed my knees and decided to sit down behind the dude in front of me. Everytime the line moved, I crawled on my hands and knees until I was finally in the store and then when I got to the front desk, things took a turn for the worse. “Gamekeep! Give me one Call of Duty!” I nearly screamed. When I looked up from my erection through my pants, I saw Anarchy behind the desk. “=] here you go.” I took it and turned around, to find everyone else in the store to also be Anarchy. FUCK no. Knowing I might die, I opened my case to find it was empty. When did they swipe my teleporter? “Aw, DAMN’T,” I started. One of the Anarchies pushed me to the ground. I stood up and frowned. “I’m on the fucking League, you’d do well if you just let me go home, Anarchy.” They all laughed in synch. It sounded really creepy and shit. “No, Pigpen. You’re going to die today. Slowly and painfully. Like Becca did.” No. What did they just say? NO. I could feel the rage building up inside of me. “You’re lying…” I said. They laughed again in unison. “Afraid not. And you know the best part? Before she died, she told us…about all of your fun little nights together. Your talks about UKIP.” No. NO. The talks about UKIP always lead to..other things. Becca COULDN’T be dead! My blood was boiling and shit. “...your Transformers marathons?” You’re losing control, Pig. No…Becca…NO… “…and who could forget…the time when you swallowed your own cum.” … “I…DIDN’T…EEEEEEAAAAAAT IIIIIIIIIIIIITT!!!!!” FUCK THESE ANARCHY FUCKERS. I GREW TEN TIMES IN SIZE AND RIPPED THROUGH THE CROWD. I GRABBED AS MANY OF THOSE STUPID LITTLE SHITS AS I COULD AND THEN I TORE THEM OPEN, BATHING IN THE BLOOD, BRINGING ABOUT MY TRUE FORM IN ALL OF ITS POWER; The Red Swine WAS REBORN! I GRABBED A HANDFUL OF THE STUPID ASSHOLES AND THREW THEM THROUGH THE STORE WINDOW. THEY FELL THROUGH A BUILDING AND BROKE THROUGH THE FOUNDATION. THE FULL THING FELL APART. HAHAHAHA, IT WAS LIKE BATTLEFIELD 4. BUT FUCK THAT GAME. SUDDENLY THE ENTIRE STREET WAS FILLED WITH ANARCHISTS, MAKING JOKES ABOUT EATING CUM AND BECCA! I WAS AS ANGRY AS BROOKLYN RAGE! I GRABBED A NEARBY CRANE BY THE END AND STARTED SWINGING IT AROUND. ANARCHISTS WENT FLYING EVERYWHERE. THEY DIDN’T STOP JOKING, AND MY ANGER LEVEL WAS OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. NO ONE INSULTS BECCA. “DIE, YOU FUCKERRRRRS!” I SCREAMED AS I SMASHED INTO THE LEGION OF ANARCHISTS BELOW ME. SUDDENLY, CHANNEL 420 NEWS’ HELICOPTER CAME WHIRRING AROUND. I WOULDN’T HAVE PAID IT ANY MIND IF I HADN’T HEARD HIS FUCKING VOICE. “Pigpen, please stop!!!” NARUTO SAID USING A BITCHASS MEGAPHONE. “NARUTO FUCK OFF M90.” I SAID M90 WITH ANGER IN MY VOICE AS I STOMPED ON THE MEMERS BELOW ME. “Pig, listen to me, we need to wait for the army and the rest of the League to get here!” Naruto shouted. “SHUT UP!” “Please, friend!” NARU-BITCH SAID. THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW, HE CALLED ME ‘FRIEND’. I FUCKING HATE THAT GUY. SO I GRABBED THE HELICOPTER AND FUCKING THREW IT ONTO THE CENTER OF THE ANARCHY ARMY, MAKING IT EXPLODE! AAAAAAARGH, FOR BECCA! Category:The League Category:Issues